Making good friends while traveling solo only to have to figure out how to say good-bye

It's hard to leave good friends you've made while traveling.

People who haven't experienced solo travel don't realize how tight the bonds can be when you click with someone abroad, or on the road. How can you walk away from someone you've so enjoyed being with, knowing you might never see him or her again? Or at least not for a long time?

This theme has come up several times in the past few weeks. 

One insightful post by a woman who is backpacking solo in China writes, "The question isn't, 'Am I lonely?' It's something along the lines of, "Can I handle making good friends and leaving them, over and over again?"

The repeated goodbyes make her sad. But, she realizes, "I could mope around and mourn the loss of a stable support group, or I can relish the prospect of meeting more interesting people in a shorter time period than I ever will again in my life."

Funny, a friend of mine, Irene, who wrote the book, "Best Friends Forever," recently asked me to answer a question that came in on her site, "The Friendship Blog." A woman asked for advice on how to stay long-distance friends with someone you met while away and really enjoyed traveling with.

The Q & A appeared on Huffington Post, as well as on Psychology Today, as well as on The Friendship Blog. (Irene is prolific and connected!) You can find the "answer" on any one of those sites. The relationship, obviously, will have to change when you're no longer in the same city...or country.

The lesson is along the lines of "It's better to have loved and lost..."

When I look at the second photo in this post, taken in an "ice bar" during a hiking, kayaking, biking trip in New Zealand, I can't remember the name of the woman sitting next to me top left, second one in. Nor the guy in the forefront.

But when I look at Melinda, kneeling, and wife and husband Kasey and James from Canada, top right, different emotions come smashing together, like particles in the Superconducting Super Collider. (Dramatic, no?)

It was such a great trip. And it is so over, the pieces never to fall in place again, with those particular people.

I liked Melinda right away. She also arrived in New Zealand alone and we started talking, and clicking, the first few minutes of the trip. Kasey is one of the funniest people I've met. James and I bonded over photography, with him giving me lessons in how to shoot.

I never saw Kasey again, although we emailed for years. James came through Washington once and I cooked him dinner. They have two girls now, whom I've never met because I never went and visited them in Nova Scotia. Though I always meant to.

Melinda and I met up in Buenos Aires several years later and traveled through Argentina together. 

Would it have been better to stay home and never meet these people so I wouldn't experience the loss later? And feel sad about it even now? (As well as grateful for the experience.) Of course not.

But I understand what Kim describes in her post. It can be tough to say good-bye.

Photos: New Zealand, South Island. New friends and me.

Comments

[www.placeswegopeoplewesee.com]

I love this post, Ellen. I"ve been on group tours where of course we exchange info at the end and never get in touch, or do so just once. What I've finally learned is that these connections are really wonderful, and that it's equally wonderful to simply say, so long, it was wonderful to meet you. Thanks for the memories. And that's that.

[stephanie]

I like your post as well, as I am currently experiencing that. The 'bad thing' is that I am staying in one place (kota kinabalu, malaysia) because I am doing my internship here and the people I meet all go further traveling. They are going to have this new adventure, so they don't feel that bad as I do sometimes. I am always the one that is left behind :-(.. and that is not always that easy.

[Ellen]

Stephanie,

I totally hear you on this one. And it doesn't just occur traveling. I've felt that way when people have left my company for new jobs and I've been left behind. I'd always prefer to be the person who gets to do the exciting new thing.
But if I can talk as an objective observer, I "feel bad" because you're having this amazing experience in Malaysia and I'm not! Enjoy it to the fullest and I hope new, fun people come your way.

Ellen

[Gary]

There is a name for those "temporary" friends that someone has made up. Does anyone remember what the name is? Gary

[Ellen]

Hm. Didn't realize there was a name for them. Anybody out there know?