Boldly Go Solo

Solo skiers and hikers can find camaraderie via Maine Huts and Trails

My friend Diane and her husband Wessel recently visited Flagstaff Lake Hut, one of the huts that is part of Maine Huts & Trails. As a cross country skier, I was intrigued by her account of the two of them walking into the woods with all their cross country ski gear for a little winter getaway.

I want to do this! Though it will have to wait until next year at least.

I first heard about hut-to-hut hiking and skiing in Norway, where they have a good system of backwoods huts. I didn't know they also have them in Maine.

It seems to me like a really cool thing to do, hiking or skiing to a destination, rather than just taking a random hike or skiing for an hour then returning home. I like the idea of pushing toward a goal. It's why I also like week-long bike trips.

The huts I saw in Norway were quite spare. Diane says the hut they stayed at in Maine was more like a lodge, (although the photos on the site don't convey that.) Diane does say the bedrooms are quite spare. All the more reason not to hang out in them but to join others in the common room.

Solo traveler tips on dealing with illness and whether to join a group trip

Here's a round up of some good articles on solo travel:

The Los Angeles Times offers travel advice to a 49-year-old man concerned about getting sick while traveling out of the country? Soothingly, "sudden death while traveling is not statistically likely." Well, I guess I can finally stop fretting about keeling over then.

But just in case, you can leave a note for the maid on what to do with your body, writes Catherine Hamm, the paper's travel editor. Funny.

As for fear of getting sick, she suggests some useful things, tips she got from calling around in the medical community. For one, register with the State Department before you leave the country. Also, keep a list of the generic names of medications you take in case you need to replace any. Yes, different countries call medicines different things.

I also like her pros and cons on traveling alone vs. joining a group. When on a group trip, there will always be one "ultra-annoying" person. (True) On the other hand, you'll never be alone. As for solo travel, there's some tension in having to keep your wits about you at all times. (Not necessarily) But then again, you make all the choices.

A travel review piece on the faxtravel.com site provides great information on how to choose the best group tour. It says to pick small group tours and local tour operators.

Six tips for a great solo ski vacation

Although my friend Elaine is skiing in Park City, Utah, alone, she's making friends right and left. Okay, they're friends for five minutes, but what's the difference? She's being entertained, being social and not feeling lonely.

"I have five-minute relationships with people on the chair lift," she says. "Then it's, 'Have a nice life.' " And off she goes, carving her way down the snowy mountainside.

I worried that Elaine, who has gone solo on plenty of biking, skiing and other group adventure tours, would not have a good time going skiing for a week in Park City, Utah. All by herself. In a condo without her pals.

Instead, I'm envious of her vacation. No, it isn't perfect. Nothing's ever perfect. She misses the camaradie from the time a couple of years ago when she, our friend Andrea, and I traipsed out West together, eating out, waiting for each other on the slopes and laughing. A lot.

Traveling solo around Tokyo, Kyoto and other places in Japan

Anyone who knows my friend Bob knows how much he loves all things Japanese. He's been studying the language for years in Washington, with Japanese language partners and in classes. He's even learning how to write kanji, one of three Japanese alphabets. The most complicated one from what I can tell.

Every time I turn around, Bob's off on another trip to Japan, including the time he rented out his apartment in Washington a few years ago and lived in Tokyo for several months, going to language school there and traveling around.

Having never been to Japan, I decided to let Bob talk about what it's like to travel around Japan solo. Usually, he splits his time during his vacations in Japan, visiting friends and then heading out on solo jaunts to explore new places. He's in Japan now. He answered my questions before he left. (btw, the women pictured at left are NOT geisha, but maiko. Find out the difference) 

How many times have you visited Japan?

This trip is my tenth. Each time, I go someplace new that I found in my Lonely Planet guidebook, or that someone recommended.

What places do you like the best?

My favorite places are Tokyo, Kyoto, Miyajima and Beppu. Tokyo may be too crowded and modern for some people but I have found much to enjoy. In the spring, for example, the cherry blossom trees around the Imperial Palace are truly spectacular.

I like the parts of Tokyo where you can see the remnants of old Japan. Asakusa, a popular area with an ancient Buddhist temple and five-story pagoda, is a good place to get started. It's also where you can find all kinds of tourist gifts.

Close to Shinjuku station, literally the busiest station in the world, is an area called Omoide Yokocho, or Memory Lane. It's a maze of alleys filled with tiny restaurants that were built after World War II and serve tasty yakitori (grilled chicken on a stick).

For a sample of great Japanese tradition, I would recommend visiting the old kabuki theater in the Ginza district of Tokyo. Kabuki plays can last all day but you can buy a ticket for just part of a performance for an hour or two.

  And if you don't understand the story (I didn't, even with an English translation headset), just seeing the theater and the way of performing is worth the visit.

I think no trip to Japan can be complete without a visit to Kyoto. It's where you can see the most of old Japan, with its many temples, shrines and gardens, and possibly, a geisha in the Gion district.

Miyajima is a small island near Hiroshima that is said to be one of the three most beautiful places in Japan. I would agree. It is famous for its gorgeous torii, or entrance gate, to a Shinto shrine sticking out of the water, and deer that wander the streets.

Beppu is in the far western part of Japan, in Kyushu, and is known for its numerous hot springs. In addition to the mineral water baths you can also take mud and sand baths. Beppu's collection of nine bubbling hot springs, known as "hells," are not for bathing. Just for viewing.

Dining solo in Austin, Texas

Because I couldn't bear the thought of staring at the four walls of my hotel room and eating a dreary dinner in a hotel restaurant, I pushed myself to stick with my original plan: Dinner at Garrido's. A casual Mexican restaurant somewhere in Austin.

The result? An action-packed night filled with squeaky bats, soft tacos, and a stroll through the Sixth Street Warehouse district of Texas' capital city.

I'd decided on Garrido's before I arrived in Austin. It had recently been given high marks by a Wall Street Journal writer reviewing the city's restaurant scene.

"At Garrido's, which opened in June, chef David Garrido marries his background as the longtime chef at Jeffrey's, one of the fanciest restaurants in Austin, to his Mexican and Texan heritage. In the Tex-Mex tradition of a groaning platter, tacos are served with rice and beans, but they're filled with mahi mahi, coffee rubbed rib eye or lightly battered oysters."

And no entree costs more then $11. I was sold.

I thought it would be within a few blocks of the Hilton, where I was attending a conference, but it was more like three-quarters of a mile away. I momentarily felt deterred. But I wasn't going to let myself back out of my plan.

Earlier, a work colleague had offered to keep me company if I wanted to go out to eat. She had a dinner with clients at 7:45 but she was willing to sip a drink while I ate.

I was tempted. Company for dinner! But I hadn't seen anything of Austin and this was my only chance. I'd spent two days cooped up in hotel ballrooms. If I went with her it would have to be early and someplace close. Instead, I stuck to my plan.

That doesn't mean I didn't feel uncomfortable heading off to dinner alone. What would I encounter? Would dinner be weird, sitting by myself? Always, always, always, I feel the apprehension. But 10 times out of 10, the apprehension is way worse than the actual experience of dining alone. 

I headed out, walking briskly, hanging on to a map a woman at the reception desk had printed out for me. Eight blocks down Fourth Street. Turn Left.

The first couple of blocks felt a little deserted. I made a mental note to ask the restaurant about taxi service back. Right soon (don't you think they'd say something like that in Texas?) I came upon street art.

For single travelers, two stories about dining solo

"Tourist cities are useless with single diners, especially women of a certain age." This is a line from a funny article by a woman who shares her strategy for a "successful dining-alone experience," in a Mail Online (British) story.

First tip. Have a drink before going out. For confidence. Okay, that cracked me up. But I understand that it could help.

Then, after you choose a place to dine, if the waiter is a "prat" and seats you at a bad table and won't switch you to a better one, even though the place is empty, turn around and leave. And "practise your flounce" as you exit. (I'm not sure I've got a flounce. Men, skip this bit.)

As for how to deal with your waiter, a "delicately judged bit of charm goes a long way." I love how the Brits express themselves. But really, is the waiter going to be that put off by a solo diner? I haven't found that at all. Maybe I don't eat in places that are high class enough?

A story in the Boston Globe tells solo diners to "forgo the pity, forget the BlackBerry and embrace the possibilities." I heartily agree with points one and three. But I see no reason not to check my BlackBerry or read or write something while I'm waiting for service. After all, I'm not being rude. I don't have anyone to talk to! Until the waiter shows up from time to time.

The Globe story is drearier. Talking about the "stigma" of eating alone.  "What do you even look at when you're in a restaurant by yourself?" She mentions "the sense that you've got 'Friendless' tattoed on your forehead." Oh, please!

This feels like a major bout of insecurity and self-consciousness. Is it really THAT bad? Do you really think the world is judging your whole life and character because you're seated alone? Thinking that you must be incredibly pathetic? I think not. (see other solo dining posts.)

If dining alone is that troublesome, do take out. One way or another you will survive, be fed for another day and be ready for sightseeing, hiking or whatever else it was you set out on your trip for to begin with!

Photos: Ellen Perlman

Bar at Devon Seafood Grill, Hershey, Pennsylvania. Dessert tray at same.

Seven ways to increase the chances of having a great solo vacation

Last week, a friend told me that, following my example, she decided to go solo on a cruise to the Bahamas. How was it? "The first day was crushingly lonely." Ouch. The trip was only three days. That means a third of it was lousy.

I asked for more details. It turns out she was seated at a table by herself. I've never been on a cruise but I always thought that Captain Stubing, or whoever the people in charge are, watched out for things like that. Made sure people were comfortable. I guess not.

After thinking more about her experience I've come up with a few thoughts about why she might have been lonely and how, perhaps, it could have been avoided.

1. Know thyself

What was she thinking about when she signed up? Did she assume it would be a really sociable place and she'd meet a lot of people? Was she looking for single men? Point being, were her expectations too high? Would someone else have been happy just exploring the ship and sitting by the pool with a book on that first day? Going to the casino? Going to the gym, if they had one?

2. Know thy vacation choice

Was a large ship with a lot of people the best choice? The larger the group in general, the more people will break down into families or cliques. Singletons may get lost. That might not matter to some. But it will be agonizing to others. (see # 1)

In a small group tour, on the other hand, everyone will talk to everyone. If not, there is always a guide who will see you're not having fun and hopefully scoop you up and put you under her wing. Guides are paid to be friendly.

Solo travelers don't have to dine alone

After years of solo travel, I've learned that I like the freedom and serendipity that come along with having all my time to myself. But not everyone feels that way.

A recent New York Times article describes various Web sites that help women business travelers meet up with other women in cities where they'll be working. They can find company and go out and do things they wouldn't do alone. I don't see why a vacation traveler couldn't take advantage of such sites if they appeal.

Maiden Voyage is a network for finding company for dinner in a city far from home. LadiesAway is another site for businesswomen looking for ways to contact other women in a city they're visiting.

But "ladies?" "Maidens?" What's the deal with using these labels for successful businesswomen? Really, now, aren't these just a tad outdated? By decades? Perhaps centuries? What's next? Sites called "Spinster Suppers?" or "Bachelorette Brunches?" But I digress...

There's also a site called Global-Dinner-Network, which has 2,000 registered members. If you're the type of traveler who knows you won't leave your hotel room for dinner alone, especially after dark, these seem worth looking into.

But I have to admit, I just don't see tying myself down by making dinner arrangements before I even get to a place. Then again, I don't know what it's like to be on the road for business night after night.

I travel just enough to get excited every time I land in a city that's not my own. Particularly if my company's paying my hotel and dinner bills.

Philadelphia offers many options for the solo traveler

Like every city, Philadelphia has a range of activities for single, as well as partnered residents.Though they may be geared for locals, they are a good way for solo travelers to ease any isolation they may feel while visiting a big city. Philly also offers some excellent dining and drinking options for those on their own.

Let's start with some activities. The Bicycle Club of Philadelphia has regularly scheduled free rides in the evenings and on weekends, plus special events such as barbecues, banquets and picnics.

Are you a runner? The Fishtown Beer Runners has three- to five-mile runs on Thursday evenings followed by a visit to a local pub for some quality craft beer. The motto on their blog:

"Responsible running and drinking in the interest of science. 'So, ya wanna join us?' "

Fun! I might have to drive to Philly one Thursday just to experience that.

Dancer, or wannabe dancer? Try the Society Hill Dance Academy, where $20 gets you a drop-in class with a 45-minute intro to salsa, cha-cha, foxtrot and rumba. At DanceSport Academy, the timing might be tricky for visitors. The ballroom and Latin dance socials for $10, including drinks, dancing and performances, are only held monthly.

These dance socials usually are ways for studios to sell ongoing lessons to prospective dancers. But there's no reason you can't go and enjoy the dance as an out-of-towner, then be on your way. The Peppermint Dance Club caters to an older crowd, offering beginner and intermediate dance lessons followed by a dance party, three nights a week.

Hot spots for dining solo in New York City

 The New York Observer has issued its top 10 list of best restaurants for dining alone. The reviews don't describe what makes the establishments comfortable, or fabulous, for solo diners. Although the write-ups are most drool-worthy.

We'll have to hope they chose them for good reasons.

A reader added his own critique of a restaurant not on the list. Joe's Shanghai at 9 Pell Street. "They have tables for 10 and a single diner can be seated at any one of them and feel very comfortable." He says you may be alone but you won't be lonely.

Having grown up just north of NYC, my family toured and dined a lot in "the Big Apple." And visited grandma on the Lower East Side. New York is one of those cities where you can do just about anything - including play the guitar on the streets half naked or have hair died in a range of primary colors, and few people will blink.

More than just about any place, New York seems an easy city in which to dine alone because of that anything goes attitude. Plus, there's just so much to gape at! For those of you who worry the whole world's watching, my guess is the fact that you are eating alone won't even register with other diners.

And New Yorkers being the outspoken people they often are, you might find that more people strike up conversations with you there than in most other cities. I can't say that for certain, but it's such a bustling place that I think you'll find going solo a snap.

Photos: Veselka; Cafe LULUc